Yeah.
The feeling at this very present is beyond any descriptive words.
Feared. Happy. Excited. Hopeful.
This has been a tough jorney for both of us (Mr. Dexter Santos). July and August went on so swiftly. Till we reach the day before September 1, 2012. All is set.
Tonight, I am in my room, staring at my white long gown, yeah sentimental it may seem. A lot of memories are coming in my cells. When I was young, I just wanted to be a singer. When I was young, my life was so simple. I could recall how I used to play with my siblings. Now as I stare this long white gown, my heart beats faster, but there is a short portion of sadness. EVERYTHING will change. I could not write it all.
If I am hungry, I could not immediately go home and ask my mother what's our ulam. Because I am to prepare for my needs, I mean for our needs now. I can't easily escape from my troubles, I have to face it all now with my new partner. God knows how sentimental am I tonight. Tomorrow is much awaited, longed for, worked out for. I could not wait! Wait a minute! What is this? Yeah they say it's normal, I know.
Two months of preparing for tomorrow to come, we involved a lot of friends and relatives to help us out. Mommy, Nanay, Tatay in particular. I feel so blessed, I survived and ready to walk down the aisle tomorrow.
And there you go again, that knock knock on my chest.
Earlier we had to attend a mass and do some confessions, that made this day so light, but again tonight is so different.
Just before I take my eternal vows, thank you everyone who has been a part of my singleness life, thank you for making me strong and complete. thank you.
My last blog as Ms. Azelle Sanchez.
Next time, it's Mrs. Santos.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
by far, it's the most hurting
i heard my mother cried, that made my tears fell as well. it maybe an ordinary problem, but i was moved by her words with tears. my sister is in trouble, mishandling the kids according to my mother, this was not easy for me to say this, but i just can't help but attest to that. you may say i am so into my mother, yeah, true, i believe in her. IN ALL ASPECTS. she's the best consultant that i know, the most trusted. so when she says, oh you are losing your track, i will eventually realize she's right. all mothers have that kind of power as they say, they are so protective. plus the fact my mother is the eldest of them, she told my sister that she does everything just to protect her siblings! even if they are worse compared to our attitude, she still manages to keep a harmonious relationship with them - no matter what - my sister is not talking to any of us for a month now, because of an issue, which involves her husband. my mother's point is, why the hell she has that heart of a stone! that she can ignore us, easily. that's so tragic, we all have the feeling of pride, but honestly, when i heard her cry tonight, it's 100x tragic, GOD please help us in this trouble.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I teach ENGLISH.
PROUD! If there is another word better that Proud, I could have used it. Yes, this may not be enough proof that we are getting good, but let it be the beginning. We have the language "autonomy."
I hope all the best people in the country would realize that this thing could pilot our step towards progress.
Well, people will now have to think twice before mocking Pinoys' use of the English language.
The Philippines was named the world’s best country in business English proficiency, even beating the United States, according to a recent study by GlobalEnglish Corporation .
http://ph.news.yahoo.com/ph--world-s-best-country-in-business-english.html
I hope all the best people in the country would realize that this thing could pilot our step towards progress.
Well, people will now have to think twice before mocking Pinoys' use of the English language.
The Philippines was named the world’s best country in business English proficiency, even beating the United States, according to a recent study by GlobalEnglish Corporation .
http://ph.news.yahoo.com/ph--world-s-best-country-in-business-english.html
After two months
Again, i stopped for a moment. Got so busy with many things. Got so attached to my lola's recovery. I couldn't say she's in good condition, actually she is not improving physically, she's still unable to walk. Her mind is so inconstant. It's been very tough for her, she's old and her bones are weak. Depression eats her willingness to try. Somber it is.
But of course, I am a person filled with hopes and prayers. God has plans. I believe in Him.
Just last May 24, 2012, we had a blast for her 74th birthday. Bliss.
All her relatives and everyone else were present. My nanay really insisted that all the loved ones attend. The rest had big smiles. She had happy tears.
I love you ina. Pagaling ka.
But of course, I am a person filled with hopes and prayers. God has plans. I believe in Him.
Just last May 24, 2012, we had a blast for her 74th birthday. Bliss.
All her relatives and everyone else were present. My nanay really insisted that all the loved ones attend. The rest had big smiles. She had happy tears.
I love you ina. Pagaling ka.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
my 27th
It's two hours before my 27th birthday.
For the past years, we just had dinner somewhere, complete family.
Now, I think things are going to change. Not the usual.
Right this very moment, I am writing with a fuss. My lola wakes up every 10 minutes, calling for me, my siblings, her inang, and all. Every night she is like this. In the morning, she is normal, in the evening she gets another character, one who is so feared being alone. She can't have a good sleep every night till 5am, my lola becomes fine when the sunrise touches her face, when she hears vehicles, noise. We are in this situation for almost three months (i don't want to keep counting). Just 2 weeks ago, her caregiver went out for an important matter, we-I mean-some of us (family members) did a rotation taking care of her. Everyone did sacrifice. We are all working, we are all busy. But, we need to attend to her needs, whether fancy or not.
Well, they say, this is not an extraordinary condition. Filipinos are patient, steadfast to such things, taking care of the olds, very far compared to a western culture.
These past days, I've become bewildered. I attended some of my classes without any sleep. It even reached the point that I would want to cancel my classes, but its not facile. (My lola wants her bantay to stay up all night and early morning, eyes wide open, she shouts when nobody looks after her).
Just by now, she keeps calling me.
It's not really having no sleep that annoys me, more than that, it is something terrifying.
I just realized that not everyone wanted to take care of her, not everyone is patient, not everyone is willing, and that there are only few maybe two or three who are real. I feel bad, very bad. Sometimes they do not want to do it anymore, pointing fingers, escaping, the likes. And that's the reality. Not everything lasts, when one suffers, he gives in. A person becomes different when troubled.
A classic professor named Morrie said, everyone is afraid of aging, without knowing that it begins your true living, aging and dying give you reason to celebrate much in life. True. When we know that we are aging, or dying, or when our loved one is aging or dying, we become more passionate. In my case, I have been another person, so as my relatives. (Good or bad, I cant tell.)
My lola is 73, she is so strong, she used to be so strong. All her life, she protected all of us, she guided us all while growing up.
On May, she will be 74, weak, which she hates indeed, now her life changes, we need to protect and guide her while recovering. I can't promise to do this forever, as long as I can, I will be involved. Well, This might be my simple birthday wish, for God to give me nothing else but more patience.
This night until later, I will be beside her. I will be 27, going to celebrate this in a novel way. It may not be so glamorous, enchanting, happy, But I am sure - it will be meaningful .
For the past years, we just had dinner somewhere, complete family.
Now, I think things are going to change. Not the usual.
Right this very moment, I am writing with a fuss. My lola wakes up every 10 minutes, calling for me, my siblings, her inang, and all. Every night she is like this. In the morning, she is normal, in the evening she gets another character, one who is so feared being alone. She can't have a good sleep every night till 5am, my lola becomes fine when the sunrise touches her face, when she hears vehicles, noise. We are in this situation for almost three months (i don't want to keep counting). Just 2 weeks ago, her caregiver went out for an important matter, we-I mean-some of us (family members) did a rotation taking care of her. Everyone did sacrifice. We are all working, we are all busy. But, we need to attend to her needs, whether fancy or not.
Well, they say, this is not an extraordinary condition. Filipinos are patient, steadfast to such things, taking care of the olds, very far compared to a western culture.
These past days, I've become bewildered. I attended some of my classes without any sleep. It even reached the point that I would want to cancel my classes, but its not facile. (My lola wants her bantay to stay up all night and early morning, eyes wide open, she shouts when nobody looks after her).
Just by now, she keeps calling me.
It's not really having no sleep that annoys me, more than that, it is something terrifying.
I just realized that not everyone wanted to take care of her, not everyone is patient, not everyone is willing, and that there are only few maybe two or three who are real. I feel bad, very bad. Sometimes they do not want to do it anymore, pointing fingers, escaping, the likes. And that's the reality. Not everything lasts, when one suffers, he gives in. A person becomes different when troubled.
A classic professor named Morrie said, everyone is afraid of aging, without knowing that it begins your true living, aging and dying give you reason to celebrate much in life. True. When we know that we are aging, or dying, or when our loved one is aging or dying, we become more passionate. In my case, I have been another person, so as my relatives. (Good or bad, I cant tell.)
My lola is 73, she is so strong, she used to be so strong. All her life, she protected all of us, she guided us all while growing up.
On May, she will be 74, weak, which she hates indeed, now her life changes, we need to protect and guide her while recovering. I can't promise to do this forever, as long as I can, I will be involved. Well, This might be my simple birthday wish, for God to give me nothing else but more patience.
This night until later, I will be beside her. I will be 27, going to celebrate this in a novel way. It may not be so glamorous, enchanting, happy, But I am sure - it will be meaningful .
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